please come you make the beer taste better
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
