doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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