There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
