Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
