capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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