Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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