they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
