that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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