So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just cropdusted the office
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
