woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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