So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
