if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
