Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
