Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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