Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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