He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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