Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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