and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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