i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
