oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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