there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
