There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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