i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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