Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
