I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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