whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
