I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
