The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
