Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
