his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
