If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
