So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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