OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
