I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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