this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There are leaves in my underwear?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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