we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
