RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
