Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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