I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
