Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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