I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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