All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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