I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
