I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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