I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
