I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
