just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
