hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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