Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
