I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
