You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
