I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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