btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
