I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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